Adoption

I was 18 days old when I was adopted by my parents. I knew growing up that I was adopted. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? Well, it depends. 

As a teenager I was terrible to my parents. I would tell them that they didn't love my because I wasn't their biological child. Was this true? At the time it true to me but as I grew up and my relationship with my mom changed I realized that my parents loved me just as much as they loved my brothers. We were all treated the same. I didn't see it that way of course. 

Whenever I had to fill out medical forms it became a bad thing for me. I had no idea how to answer any of the questions as I had no medical history from my biological parents. I wanted to change that and I did. 

I had watched all the talk shows while growing up that talked about adoption. I even inquired how much it would cost to hire someone to find my biological parents. There was no way I had that kind of money. I did find out that I could order a binder for a couple of hundred of dollars. There was information in the binder of how to find people in different states. I ordered the binder and looked through it and tried to follow along on how to find my biological parents. I didn't have any luck. I still have that binder but it's not how I found my biological parents. 

How did I find them? 

I used commercial DNA tests to find them. 

In September 2016 I took a mtDNA test with Family Tree DNA hoping to find my birth mother not knowing at the time that it wouldn't be helpful. A few months later In November 2016 I did the family test with Family Tree DNA hoping to get matches that could help me find my birth parents. I didn't get anywhere with those matches.

In November 2017 I did the Ancestry DNA test and got a 1st - 2nd cousin match (who turned out to be a first cousin once removed). The match was my birth mother's first cousin who helped us connect in Feb 2018.

I was hoping to find my birth father but I was only able to narrow it down to a family. There were 7 boys in the family. I had to figure out which one was my paternal grandfather. I put my research on hold for awhile as I was going to meet my birth mother and her family.

In January 2019 I flew to Rochester, New York to meet my birth mother. I was there for 2 weeks and met my half siblings and their families, my aunt and her family and my uncle and some of his family. When I came back to California my birth mother came back with me to meet some of my adopted family and my immediate family.

In June 2019 I started my research again looking for my birth father. In August 2019 I had a new DNA match on my paternal side. This was my closest match to date. She showed as a 1st - 2nd cousin match (who turned out to be a first cousin once removed). She was a first cousin of my birth father. I just needed to narrow it down to which of the 7 boys was my grandfather so that I knew could figure out who my father was. I was able to figure which son was my grandfather because of DNA matches to an Italian surname. I got very lucky that my paternal grandparents had 3 kids - one boy and two girls. Bingo I found my birth father but I wanted confirmation that I had the right man.

In December 2019 my friend gifted me with a 23 and Me DNA test. It was the only one that I had tested with. I had a paternal first cousin match. I was able to confirm who my birth father was. I had done a lot of researching while waiting on my 23 and Me results.

January 15, 2020 was a great day for adult adoptees - New York was a closed adoption state. Reclaim the Records was able to get the adoption records opened up for adult adoptees. I ordered my original birth certificate to see if my birth father was listed. He wasn't which I had a strong feeling he wouldn't be based on what my biological mother had told me.

I am now almost complete. What is missing you ask? I don't have all the medical history from my paternal side. I do have the medical history from my maternal side.

July 2013

I have had to overcome a lot in my lifetime. Back in July 2013 I had gone to bed and I woke up a few times feeling really nauseous. In the morning I got up and went downstairs and went outside to sit on the swing. I had never done this before. My husband said that I was saying gibberish and he told our middle daughter to get ready to go as he was going to take me to urgent care. On the way there he changed his mind and we went to the hospital instead. He dropped my daughter and i off at the entrance while he parked the car. I remember being checked in and my husband doing his best to answer any questions. We waited a little bit and then I was called back to triage and again my husband did his best to answer any questions. I was then taken to a room and I remember getting up and using the bathroom twice and then nothing. 

Next thing I knew I was waking up. My body had put itself into a come for 8 days. I had been diagnosed with sepsis and the doctors don't know how I got it. On the board in my hospital room I had about 8 doctors listed. I was shocked when I saw that one of the doctors had CDC next to his name. A fascinating fact is that the CDC can not walk into any room. They have to be invited. 

Here is everything that I was told when I woke up:

- My mom dropped everything when my husband called her to let he know what was going on with me. She came and stayed with my kids for a week as my husband had to get back to work.  

- Half the waiting room were my mom, my kids, my husband's family and the other half were my friends from church

- One nurse told me I had died and asked a couple of other nurses but they never answered my question about whether I had died or not

- One friend told me that they heard I had a 5% to 20% change of survival while my husband told me he was told I had a 20% change of survival. Who was told the right percentage of my survival? I think they were both told the right percentage that the time they were told. Also my husband may not have heard the 5% to when he was told as her was worried about whether I was going to life or die.

While I was in the hospital my youngest son would come and spend about 4 hours just sitting on the couch in my room. Yes, he was a teenager and on his phone but he was in my presence. I was in the hospital for just over 2 weeks then I was moved to a rehab that was across the street from the hospital. I was at the rehab location for just over 2 weeks. While I was there one of the nurses said that my husband could bring my dogs to visit me and I said no to that. I knew that our female dog would not want to leave my side until I was able to leave and go home. When I got home both our dogs didn't leave my side

About a week after I got home the nurse that was coming to my home to check on me said I didn't look good and she tried calling the doctor. She couldn't get ahold of the doctor and told my kids to take me to the hospital if they didn't hear back from her in a couple of hours. She left and maybe a half hour later she called my daughter and said to take me to the hospital. My son drove me back to the hospital with my middle daughter and when we arrived and checked in I was called back to triage and then out into a room in a matter of a few minutes. The nurse came in and started doing things on the computer. Within an hour of me being there I had someone from the lab come and draw blood and someone from radiology came in to take me for an x-ray. 

After awhile the nurse came back into the room and said well, it looks like you'll be staying with us. Your potassium is very low. Maybe an hour later the doctor came in and said the same thing. I had to have straight potassium by IV. It hurt so much. I was admitted to the hospital for a week. 

My youngest son became my chauffeur for at least 6 months until I was able to drive again. It took me about a year before I could drive for longer than an hour. If we traveled to the San Francisco Bay Area for anything I would drive there and my husband or my son would have to drive home once we got to where we were going and drive back home. 

I was very happy once I was able to be home and stay home. During that time I felt a closeness to faith and what it means to having God on my side. I think of myself as being reborn like a Phoenix.