Adoption

I was 18 days old when I was adopted by my parents. I knew growing up that I was adopted. Was that a good thing or a bad thing? Well, it depends. 

As a teenager I was terrible to my parents. I would tell them that they didn't love my because I wasn't their biological child. Was this true? At the time it true to me but as I grew up and my relationship with my mom changed I realized that my parents loved me just as much as they loved my brothers. We were all treated the same. I didn't see it that way of course. 

Whenever I had to fill out medical forms it became a bad thing for me. I had no idea how to answer any of the questions as I had no medical history from my biological parents. I wanted to change that and I did. 

I had watched all the talk shows while growing up that talked about adoption. I even inquired how much it would cost to hire someone to find my biological parents. There was no way I had that kind of money. I did find out that I could order a binder for a couple of hundred of dollars. There was information in the binder of how to find people in different states. I ordered the binder and looked through it and tried to follow along on how to find my biological parents. I didn't have any luck. I still have that binder but it's not how I found my biological parents. 

How did I find them? 

I used commercial DNA tests to find them. 

In September 2016 I took a mtDNA test with Family Tree DNA hoping to find my birth mother not knowing at the time that it wouldn't be helpful. A few months later In November 2016 I did the family test with Family Tree DNA hoping to get matches that could help me find my birth parents. I didn't get anywhere with those matches.

In November 2017 I did the Ancestry DNA test and got a 1st - 2nd cousin match (who turned out to be a first cousin once removed). The match was my birth mother's first cousin who helped us connect in Feb 2018.

I was hoping to find my birth father but I was only able to narrow it down to a family. There were 7 boys in the family. I had to figure out which one was my paternal grandfather. I put my research on hold for awhile as I was going to meet my birth mother and her family.

In January 2019 I flew to Rochester, New York to meet my birth mother. I was there for 2 weeks and met my half siblings and their families, my aunt and her family and my uncle and some of his family. When I came back to California my birth mother came back with me to meet some of my adopted family and my immediate family.

In June 2019 I started my research again looking for my birth father. In August 2019 I had a new DNA match on my paternal side. This was my closest match to date. She showed as a 1st - 2nd cousin match (who turned out to be a first cousin once removed). She was a first cousin of my birth father. I just needed to narrow it down to which of the 7 boys was my grandfather so that I knew could figure out who my father was. I was able to figure which son was my grandfather because of DNA matches to an Italian surname. I got very lucky that my paternal grandparents had 3 kids - one boy and two girls. Bingo I found my birth father but I wanted confirmation that I had the right man.

In December 2019 my friend gifted me with a 23 and Me DNA test. It was the only one that I had tested with. I had a paternal first cousin match. I was able to confirm who my birth father was. I had done a lot of researching while waiting on my 23 and Me results.

January 15, 2020 was a great day for adult adoptees - New York was a closed adoption state. Reclaim the Records was able to get the adoption records opened up for adult adoptees. I ordered my original birth certificate to see if my birth father was listed. He wasn't which I had a strong feeling he wouldn't be based on what my biological mother had told me.

I am now almost complete. What is missing you ask? I don't have all the medical history from my paternal side. I do have the medical history from my maternal side.